"it's a human thing."
-phil

lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go
today was a very busy day. tied up some loose ends, did some errands, got things done i had to do... sadly i didn't have time for it all; still have to go to dining to straighten out my paycheck and to the post office to mail a letter. and laundry. anything but that. arg.

so i went to a meditation club meeting today with my friend salli from next door; it was pretty cool, like a lot of the stuff phil tells me about was kind of mentioned in the meeting; stuff about reaching your "higher self" and separating from your physical body. it was pretty okay, but i had trouble meditating in that room... not only because it was really bright (the lights were on) and there were weird noises, but also because i have trouble letting my guard down around people. so i couldn't "let myself go". i did, however get somewhere; i saw a mist of blue and green which was pretty nifty, and she said to concentrate on a word and repeat it to focus-- mine came as the sound of ocean waves. a bit unique dude. it wasn't a word. and i totally can't write tonight. arg.

i guess the coolest part of today was calling up phil; i really miss him a lot and it was nice to hear his voice and talk freely with him. gosh, i grow closer to him everyday. i don't know if he feels the same way, but it's awesome. i love knowing him. and talking to him. and telling him my fears. and loving him. and knowing that he loves me. it's just awesome.

and i am really tired, as you can probably tell. did this entry even make sense? ah well. it's part of the fun.

current mood: satisfied, but tired

current music: Eminem - Lose Yourself

today felt weird. it was almost as if my brain was shrouded in some kind of mist, and wasn't able to focus on anything, including thoughts. i was mentally stumbling, and it wasn't at all the good kind of spacey. phil helped me write some, and that worked quite well; through my essay i figured out that i'm unhappy about something, but i'm not quite sure yet... maybe it's because of the fact that i never have enough time to talk to all of the people i want to back home.

so my roomie suggested i go to rugby practice with her today, and since i couldn't give myself a good reason to not go, i donned atheletic clothing and made my way down to the field. it wasn't too bad, since it was mostly running and junk, but all of the bruises the rugby players are complaining about makes me a little skeptical. i'm not really a team player. i don't like blending in, or following people up an infield. i'm more of the individual sport type.

also watched 8 mile this morning. it was a pretty good movie, i must say, minus the violence and the well, iffy girlfriend stuff. i didn't think eminem's life had been that hard. yet another reflection of how easy i've had it.

and my friend sally is on the radio! she lives next door and had a shift from 10 to midnight last night. you kicked butt sally! awesome radio talk show announcer. :o) sally is an awesome person. her and i went down to central park the other day and feasted on mcdonald's fast food and browsed around borders and target. fun stuff.

what else happened yesterday while i'm on the topic? err... i had a work meeting where james introduced his "brilliant plan" of having specific duties assigned for the cleaning shift, so everyone would have the same amount of work, which is actually quite cool. also ran into a couple who were definitely feeling each other up as i walked to the dining hall. they didn't even bother to put it on pause. i was just like... ummm?? whatever. they can have fun with that, if it floats their boat.

oy, and i am exhausted. and smell bad. and need a shower. so i shall talk to the world later. ta ta.

current mood: accomplished

current music: Eminem - Lose Yourself

te quiero...
a few hallmates and i took the fred down to central park to grab a bite to eat at ruby tuesday and to go see 'once upon a time in mexico' with good guys like johnny depp, antonio banderas, enrique iglesias, cheech, and willem defoe. the movie itself was nicely done, although all four of us were extremely confused throughout the film.... only later we realized that that was because it was the third movie in a trilogy, so we had no background information. oops. so now i have to go rent el mariachi, desperado, and well, behind enemy lines per phil's request. but i did buy the soundtrack for the movie at borders, because SPANISH MUSIC ROCKS MY WORLD!!! :)

and the song 'don't you forget about me' played in the taxi cab on the way back to the college (we missed the fred twice)... coincidence or what? the universe has its ways of reminding about you... i also dreamed about what i wanted to last night. how spiffy.

current mood: mellow

current music: Once Upon A Time In Mexico OST - Malague?a

so an ambulance showed up outside my dorm tonight to transport someone to the hospital who lives a few doors down from me... must've been drinking too much and required medical attention. what a sucky way to spend a friday night. and it's not cool, to go and get so intoxicated that you actually need someone to save you. i wish i was on a floor like michelle has at her college, one entirely devoted to substance free housing. sadly, there are only about ten of us sub-free people here, and we all occupy one half of a hallway. talk about a big group. so we get hit with stories of drunk people all the time. luckily we won't have to worry about our roomie coming in and not knowing where they are. thank god i don't have to deal with anything like that.

man! i'm on a roll for posts today! so yeah, it's been raining like mad all day... i had to change three times because i kept getting soaked (i forgot my trusty umbrella at home in CT). borrowed my roomie's bumbleshoot for chemistry, but nevertheless, the rain was still upsetting. it's nice when you're indoors. and i mailed my little cuz a b-day card today! :) it's pretty cute... it's got this picture of some potato heads at a drive thru asking them "do you want fries with that?" they all, of course, look very scared. and why am i relating this? i don't know. i suppose i just want a pat on the back for remembering, and actually getting something for, my cousin's birthday.

work wasn't too bad... but let me tell you, the floor i had to clean today was incredible. there was grass and dried mud everywhere from the rain, jello smudged across one of the aisles, and napkins galore. it was tough work, brooming and sweeping, but when i got my paycheck for 106 dollars today it was all worth it. cleaning after college kids can be rewarding.

and i want to dream about him tonight. he says it's easy, so i should be able to, right? yes. i choose yes. so we'll see.

current mood: okay

current music: Coldplay - Clocks

what a strange walk back from chemistry class. i passed a guy carrying a pink umbrella and singing something about seven days, only to be bumped against by a guy jogging without shoes on. odd. very odd.

so i have to work tonight! and if no one interesting is on, i'm going to collapse.

stalker!
so there's this article in the school paper about a student who goes here that was arrested for stalking over the summer. they put his picture right on the front page, and the sad part of it is that the kid still goes here. i feel bad for him. i mean, that kind of image is going to be hard to shake off. sure, it is kind of creepy that he actually broke into a person's house to stalk them, but he should have the choice whether or not his face is displayed to all of the campus. the name, maybe, because then if he was smart he could always change it, but his face? everyone has to have friends, even if they are a mass murderer. come on now. how low have we gotten? sure i don't agree with what he did at all, but then again, i don't agree with what we do, either. arg. and i'm not saying that i wouldn't avoid him if i saw him walking down campus walk. but if it were me in his shoes, i would wish that people could give me a second chance, instead of just seeing a past mistake...

current mood: working to change society

*sigh*
i've gotten myself sad again. my roomate is playing "the scientist" by coldplay; a very sad, and humdrum song-- i love it, but gosh darn is it depressing. and then, as i was looking through my chemistry notebook, i found a lab sheet for ap biology last year; it reminded me of the awesome lab when we had to hunt through the grass to pick up beans with sticks and straws to simulate natural evolution. it made me sad to think of how high school used to be, how hard it was, yet so carefree at the same time, and how all of my friends would pass me in the hallway and wave a sign of hello. it's different now. there's more worries, more independence, less wavings of hello, a bigger crowd of people... it carries its good new things, but sometimes i still miss the old...

current mood: nostalgic

current music: Coldplay - The Scientist

"and i'm going back to the stars..."

so i've been amusing myself lately and doing all of these weird mind things. like yesterday, you know when you say the same thing at the same time as the person you're talking to? i did that three times, and one time we did that through five lines. it's annoying at the time, but then you're like whoa... cool. and today i predicted what lindsey would say, and said it before she did on AIM, and she wrote "dude you read my mind". i don't know if it is due to all these weird brain exercises with phil, or if it is just coincidence. although, as he would say, there is no such thing as coincidence. maybe it's my "higher self" that just knows what to say. interesting how that plays out. whoa... ashley philisophical. who would've known that that would ever happen?

current mood: happy

current music: Goo Goo Dolls - Gutterflower