today was such a beautiful day. one of those fall days where the air has a bit of a nip to it, no clouds in the sky, and the sun dazzles your eyes. wow.

i also got quite a kick out of using the new pencil sally gave me, that one with "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" scrawled all over it. i took immense pleasure in doing my chemistry homework with it. come on though, the phrase is so true. guys just don't share their feelings. james and phil for example. it's just frustrating.

another good thing about today is the fact that i know i don't have any classes until six o'clock tomorrow!!! :oD my teacher for my am class is out of town, so class is canceled. yippee!

and i got to listen to a whole lot of matchbox 20 while doing homework. and hung out with friends. and went downtown on my bicycle with sally and ate dinner at the irish pub. and had real nachos with real cheese and real vegetables. and got to look at a lot of hot mustangs. and i played bowling and nibbles and racefast on my calculator, something i haven't done since high school ended. it reminded me of jessi and her fifty point scores, my bowling adventure with krystal, kim, and jess over the summer, and yet another bowling adventure here with the dining people like lindsey and such. and it was just a very good day.

~sometimes i love my life, and ahh, the memories~

*general feeling of happiness*

current mood: content and satisfied

current music: Matchbox 20 - Yourself Or Someone Like You

"boys are stupid, throw rocks at them!"
holy crap what a day. talk about stress. dude. it was terrible. but it's always good to look back at tough times when you're in a better mood, and realize that you survived.

it started with chemistry. i had a chem lab due today, but i was stupid and decided to put it off until the last minute, because i thought it would be like all of those i had to do in high school- nice, quick, and to the point. of course i overlooked the fact that it might actually present a challenge (i haven't exactly had to face any difficult assignments since i've gotten here...) and so i didn't quite finish it or write it as well as i should have. *sigh* that, i admit, was entirely my fault. so i deserved the stress i felt from that.

also today, however, we had a chemistry lab, and i got stuck with this guy i didn't know at all... octavian or something. normally this would be okay, i was my normal happy self, but he was so quiet i began to feel uncomfortable. and i lapsed into the shy ashley self. i talked to him here and there, and asked him questions because i didn't really understand the lab at all... i kind of have the general gist of it but at the time it was just arg, frustrating. i was starting to feel happier at the end of the lab, however, because i found i was able to figure out most of the calculations on my own (yay!) but when i brought my work up to the teacher to have it checked, she told me my numbers were completely wrong. i almost collapsed. it sucks when you think you finally have done something right, and someone just goes and blows it up on you. it was because of significant figures. i never really had a good teacher for that, and she didn't help any. she was just like "oh well" and "if you don't understand them, go look it up in the book." thanks, thanks a lot. way to teach. way to help.

so that made my day pretty sucky. what next... oh yeah, my friend phil. he's like the closest friend i have right now, mostly because i can tell him anything without fear of him shooting me down-- maybe correcting me and saying something like "it doesn't work that way," but either way, he's there and he listens. but he's been frustrating me, because he doesn't return the feelings i feel... well, okay, to be perfectly honest, i really like him, and i kind of think he likes me, but whenever i say "i miss you" or something like that, he never returns the feeling. i feel like it's a one way kind of relationship, that he doesn't believe in the whole two-person thing. he talks about soul mates, and believes that the two of us are soul mates, but there also supposedly seven others that are also soul mates with us, so that rules me out as a sole special person. is this even making sense? it's hard to describe. let's just say i'm unclear as to how he feels. and i wish he would make me feel more loved. but whatever. i shouldn't worry about it. *sigh* it's just frustrating.

and he talked to sally today. i had given him her im one day because he had asked me, who in the dorm, is the most curious; that is, the person who i would feel most "comfortable" teaching the ways of the universe to. the ways of the universe, the philosophy according to phil. i thought sally would be the best choice, since she has a friend like him and all. not that i would want to teach her anyway. i mean, it's not like i don't agree with anything phil says-- i believe in a lot of it, of course, and do want to share what i've learned from him with other people, but i don't really think that my purpose is to spread the word. he wants me to talk about stuff like choice, how if you want it to happen it will, how people are on this earth to develop spiritually and to experience love, how we live multiple lifetimes in an effort to bring ourselves to a more intellectual and knowledgable being. it's fine if me and him talk about it, because we understand each other, and don't have to worry if people look at us weird. it's fun to challenge the mind like that. some of the stuff, of course, i don't agree with and i let him know that, but other stuff sounds so real i'm just like "wow." i don't want to teach people though. it would make me uncomfortable. it would make me weird.

so anyway, he wanted to talk to sally to talk to her about the universe, and to make her "think" so to speak, which is all great, but she got really upset. i admit he got a little crazy there with her sometimes, with his many many lines of difficult questions that are hard to answer. and she doesn't know him. so she can't really make herself vulnerable. and i felt so bad, because he was upsetting her. he was a little off the mark. and i shouldn't of given him her im. i pout and feel bad. i love you sally! you're awesome. and esther, natalie, kristen, and kati, you guys are too. it's good to have friends around when your life is as crazy as mine is.

and i've probably scared a lot of people with this philosophy junk. :0/ i don't know how much of this post made sense either. it's late, and i am exhausted.

whatever. there's more to this world than i could ever understand. but that's part of the fun. and maybe that's why i continue to think about the stuff phil says. he offers interesting ideas, even if he does go a little overboard. alas. i shall stop being strange.

current mood: exhausted

current music: Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There

good times!
all right, now that i've some sleep backing up my brain, i can relate all those good stories you have all been waiting to hear! :oD lessee... interesting happenings... on saturday night after work kati and i (for lack of something better to do) went to see 'mission improvable' put on a little resemblance of 'whose line is it anyway.' it was a much more crude show than 'whose line' would be, as the audience suggesting props and ideas was a bunch of college kids. for example, they had to act out masturbating with sandpaper, scuba diving with a chicken, and streaking with a leotard. it was all rather amusing, and there was one wicked cute guy, agent sliver is his 'code' name, pete for real. it turns out they have a website, http://www.missionimprovable.com, so i went to that to check this guy pete out, and they had a link to his "band's" website, kind of dorky, but you know, interesting- http://www.mynameispete.com. whatever. so i went there and added my name to the e-mail list, since it would be cool to know when the improv group was coming to connecticut or virginia again to check them out, and it turns out i was the first and only person to add my e-mail to the list. this guy pete e-mails me back, all excited and such... gosh, why did i do that? just my luck to be the very first person to find his website. *sigh* so this here is his e-mail, because i thought it was entertaining:

hey...
it worked, it really worked.

miss ashley,
I built that little
email thingy with my first
dive into the world of html
code writing.

and it really worked,
you made my evening.

you were the first to
run through the mynameispete
email thingy,
i wish i had a trophy or something for you...

okay, here's my offer,
I have more songs on the internet
if you can download them,
they're the tracks
from my CD, you should check it out.

you gotta follow the secret link, yo.

/melissa.html

don't ask about melissa,
it a long story with a lot of
cat hair and plunger damage.

if it doesn't work, please let
me know and I'll find a way to get
you a CD.
thanks again, have fun living in two cities.

-P ete

please don't reply to this e-mail,
i don't really know where it would go.


so yeah, that's it. and i want to respond, but oh what to say? you're funny but very strange? and the two cities thing... i had put simsbury and fredericksburg in the box. cuz i do live in two places. just for your info.

in other news, i found a cool new radio station, 101.5 (thanks to cleaning at work with music on), got boxed by my russian boss the other day (as in an empty box thrown over my head, grr), tried to think up an evil plot to get him back (latricia, my hot line buddy, suggested stabbing him in the back with a kitchen knife, i thought this was a bit too extreme), got hit on by a creepy cook, worked the salad bar for the first time in my life, survived a rush of five hundred people, and accomplished the feat of getting every kind of food we served that night on my shirt. good stuff.

and now i suppose i should do something school related. college is school after all. but why doesn't it feel like it?

current mood: chipper

current music: Our Lady Peace - Somewhere Out There

ahh the wonders of seaco....
holy crud what a weekend. i worked about thirty hours in three days, and am very exhausted. phil is right. i'm not getting enough sleep. but if i slept after my day was over, i'd have no down time. just work. and that wouldn't be cool.

so everyone's back!! yay!!! hanging out with kati all weekend was cool, but sometimes you need a little more than one person. :oP good times though. who would've thought you could actually have fun when locked in a dorm with no power?
B and i'd write more but i'm too tired to remember what has happened-- if anything of interest pops into my brain i'll post it later.

current mood: accomplished

current music: Matchbox 20 - Real World

Posted by littlespot64 at 11:41 PM EDT

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the calm after the storm...
so it turns out that we ended up losing power yesterday; it was out from 9:30 last night to about 2:00 PM this afternoon. last night wasn't all that bad actually, just very boring due to lack of internet (our computers had to be unplugged and the network was shut down). before the power went out i called up my dad and phil, to pass the time, and then they had some weird beauty pagent thing downstairs that i went to. too tired to focus on it. after that we returned upstairs, finished the count of monte cristo and part of the mothman prophecies, and laughed at this weird resemblance of a booger on the wall. we were so tired everything was funny. even the attic hole in the ceiling. wow. sad stuff. :oP

after i realized that i was way too tired to even comprehend english any more, i went to bed. it was so incredibly dark. awesome. like i couldn't see ANYTHING. except for a bit of moonlight. slept very well, except for a slight disturbance at 6:30 in the morning. my mom decided she would call my cell phone to see if i was still alive, but by the time i had realized what was causing the vibrating noise on my desk and climbed down from my loft, she had hung up. and she turned her cell phone off so i couldn't call her back. how does that make sense...?

and then i went to work. yeah, you would think i wouldn't have to work if there was no power. but no, dining had to be up and running with gas grills, a huge generator, and "bunsen burners" to keep the food warm. alas. so we wipped out the foam plates, cups, bowls, and plastic silver ware, and welcomed the college campus in. it wasn't too bad, but as always, very tiring. i worked from 11 to 3:30, ate dinner, and took a nap. still feeling the effects of the pillow mark on my face, but starting to wake up by listening to, as my roomie calls it, some "head-banging spanish music." until next time...

current mood: happy

current music: Once Upon A Time In Mexico - OST

darn you, isabel
today, like yesterday, has been very disappointing. virginia, as you have probably heard, is flipping out about this whole 'hurricane isabel' thing; they even closed down the campus starting at three o'clock today and all day tomorrow. our meals are given to us in boxes, because the dining hall will be closed. kind of nice, i guess, because they won't have to swindle me into working. but anyway, so yeah, with no classes today and school off tomorrow, i have a four day weekend.

yesterday i was so close to getting home to connecticut, but, as i usually do, got my hopes up too high and they were shattered. so i decided i would go home with one of my friends (sally to be precise) because nearly everyone here was leaving for home (85% of the campus population lives in virginia). my parents decided that wasn't the best form of action to take... my mom called me at seven in the morning and was like "we think it would be best if you stay in your dorm. you're a big girl, and can decide what's best, but we'd really like it if you didn't go over sally's." now of course, this is a CLASSIC example of them telling me i can choose what to do on my own, but if i chose to go over sally's, they'd get mad at me. whatever. arg. parents suck.

soo now i am trapped in my dorm until tomorrow; lock down starts about now and room check is at three. almost no one is here. we have to sign a waiver to go outside. and our dinner is pre-packaged crap in a box. thank god i went grocery shopping. yeah... not fun. if the power goes out, i'm going to cry. but, i'm trying to make the best of it, and hopefully it'll be funner than it looks like it will be....

current mood: blah

current music: Ben Folds Five - Philosophy

"it's a human thing."
-phil

lose yourself in the music, the moment, you own it, you better never let it go
today was a very busy day. tied up some loose ends, did some errands, got things done i had to do... sadly i didn't have time for it all; still have to go to dining to straighten out my paycheck and to the post office to mail a letter. and laundry. anything but that. arg.

so i went to a meditation club meeting today with my friend salli from next door; it was pretty cool, like a lot of the stuff phil tells me about was kind of mentioned in the meeting; stuff about reaching your "higher self" and separating from your physical body. it was pretty okay, but i had trouble meditating in that room... not only because it was really bright (the lights were on) and there were weird noises, but also because i have trouble letting my guard down around people. so i couldn't "let myself go". i did, however get somewhere; i saw a mist of blue and green which was pretty nifty, and she said to concentrate on a word and repeat it to focus-- mine came as the sound of ocean waves. a bit unique dude. it wasn't a word. and i totally can't write tonight. arg.

i guess the coolest part of today was calling up phil; i really miss him a lot and it was nice to hear his voice and talk freely with him. gosh, i grow closer to him everyday. i don't know if he feels the same way, but it's awesome. i love knowing him. and talking to him. and telling him my fears. and loving him. and knowing that he loves me. it's just awesome.

and i am really tired, as you can probably tell. did this entry even make sense? ah well. it's part of the fun.

current mood: satisfied, but tired

current music: Eminem - Lose Yourself

today felt weird. it was almost as if my brain was shrouded in some kind of mist, and wasn't able to focus on anything, including thoughts. i was mentally stumbling, and it wasn't at all the good kind of spacey. phil helped me write some, and that worked quite well; through my essay i figured out that i'm unhappy about something, but i'm not quite sure yet... maybe it's because of the fact that i never have enough time to talk to all of the people i want to back home.

so my roomie suggested i go to rugby practice with her today, and since i couldn't give myself a good reason to not go, i donned atheletic clothing and made my way down to the field. it wasn't too bad, since it was mostly running and junk, but all of the bruises the rugby players are complaining about makes me a little skeptical. i'm not really a team player. i don't like blending in, or following people up an infield. i'm more of the individual sport type.

also watched 8 mile this morning. it was a pretty good movie, i must say, minus the violence and the well, iffy girlfriend stuff. i didn't think eminem's life had been that hard. yet another reflection of how easy i've had it.

and my friend sally is on the radio! she lives next door and had a shift from 10 to midnight last night. you kicked butt sally! awesome radio talk show announcer. :o) sally is an awesome person. her and i went down to central park the other day and feasted on mcdonald's fast food and browsed around borders and target. fun stuff.

what else happened yesterday while i'm on the topic? err... i had a work meeting where james introduced his "brilliant plan" of having specific duties assigned for the cleaning shift, so everyone would have the same amount of work, which is actually quite cool. also ran into a couple who were definitely feeling each other up as i walked to the dining hall. they didn't even bother to put it on pause. i was just like... ummm?? whatever. they can have fun with that, if it floats their boat.

oy, and i am exhausted. and smell bad. and need a shower. so i shall talk to the world later. ta ta.

current mood: accomplished

current music: Eminem - Lose Yourself

te quiero...
a few hallmates and i took the fred down to central park to grab a bite to eat at ruby tuesday and to go see 'once upon a time in mexico' with good guys like johnny depp, antonio banderas, enrique iglesias, cheech, and willem defoe. the movie itself was nicely done, although all four of us were extremely confused throughout the film.... only later we realized that that was because it was the third movie in a trilogy, so we had no background information. oops. so now i have to go rent el mariachi, desperado, and well, behind enemy lines per phil's request. but i did buy the soundtrack for the movie at borders, because SPANISH MUSIC ROCKS MY WORLD!!! :)

and the song 'don't you forget about me' played in the taxi cab on the way back to the college (we missed the fred twice)... coincidence or what? the universe has its ways of reminding about you... i also dreamed about what i wanted to last night. how spiffy.

current mood: mellow

current music: Once Upon A Time In Mexico OST - Malague?a